Why Won't My Son Say I Love You? | Me, Myself and Kids

Why Won’t My Son Say I Love You?

Kids Parenting

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“I Love You’.  Three very easy words to say, no? Apparently in my house, it isn’t so easy.

My kids are super cuddly and very loving. But when it comes to saying the words I love you, it is harder for some than others.

My youngest, who is 4 years old, will tell us ALL OF THE TIME. He will say it randomly, no matter where we are or what we are doing. He will announce it to the world if he could, he’s that vocal about it!

But then there is my oldest. My 7 year old, who for whatever reason, just won’t tell me he loves me. He used too when he was little. In fact I think it was one of his first full sayings. We would say it every morning and every night before bed. No problem. But then, it stopped. I’m not exactly sure when he stopped telling me, but I can honestly say it has been A LONG TIME. Can you believe it? I don’t understand it, he doesn’t explain, he just won’t say it. I know he feels it, and I know its not because he doesn’t love me, but the words won’t exit his mouth.

Could it be because he’s a shy kid? It sometimes takes him a while to warm up to people, even to say hello to his grandparents when they come over. And saying goodbye is another thing…that takes an arm and a leg to make happen too.

He’s very loving. He’ll give me random hugs, wrap his arms around me, cuddle with me on the couch or in bed, snuggle and say “mama” like he did when he was smaller. It’s as if he wants to say it, but won’t. Is he embarrassed? Does he think its taboo to tell share feelings with his mom? Does he think that he’s too old to say I love you to his mother? God help me when he’s a teenager if he won’t tell me things now!!

Tell me I’m not alone 🙁

Even my husband says it doesn’t happen often…a few times where he’s jokingly asked “do you love me?” and he gets a “yes”. Even after my husbands accident in May he hasn’t really said it often.

Is there anything I can do to get him to tell me? I’ve bribed him (don’t judge you would too if all you wanted was to hear those 3 little words), I beg him, I will repeat myself over and over until he can’t stand hearing me anymore…“tell me you love me, tell me you love me, tell me you love me…”

Nothing works. So now it’s almost like a running joke in the family. And I guess I’ll let it go…for now. All I will say is, he better not tell his dad before me!

Do your kids say I love you? And if not, what do you do about it?

xo

D

18 Comments Write a comment

For the last 7+ years I have immersed myself in the "mom life". My blog, appropriately named Me, Myself and Kids is my life; the challenges, the laughter, and the tears. But I also offer my own version of motherly advice. In doing so, I’ve designating myself as an MD or “Mom Doc”. Not because I know it all. Don’t get me wrong. It’s an open perspective; my learnings shared so you can take the good, bad and ugly and adapt it to your own family life. So please join me as I share all of the crazy and overwhelming thoughts and experiences of the mom life with Me, Myself and Kids.

18 Comments

  • Marie March 1, 2017

    My 10 year old son will NEVER say it back anymore and my 7 year old barely ever says it back. I have to kind of ask them tell them to say it back “what do you say?” Because I know they live me and and not saying it back to me just seems rude and hurtful. My 4 year old ofcourse she’s says it back. Not sure what happened or w

    • Debbie Akerman-Davidov March 1, 2017

      My 7 year old will hug me every night and I know it’s his way of saying it. Though I’d love to hear it. It does hurt he doesn’t want to but I also know he does.

  • How Do We Get Our Kids To Do The Right Thing? | Me, Myself and Kids July 12, 2017

    […] my son has always been the shy, more quiet kid. This is the kid that still won’t tell me that he loves me. He’s not good at sharing his feelings with his dad or I. We don’t force him because if […]

  • Cheryl H February 23, 2018

    Ah that makes me sad, my kids both still say it but my oldest is starting to say it less spontaneously 🙁

    • Debbie Akerman-Davidov February 23, 2018

      I’ve got him now to say “you too” when I tell him I love him. We are one step closer!! But I guess as they get older it slows… ☹️

  • joanne darrell February 23, 2018

    Our youngest son says I love you but our oldest son who is introverted does not.

    • Debbie Akerman-Davidov February 23, 2018

      How old is he?

  • As Parents We Just Try Our Best | Me, Myself and Kids March 12, 2018

    […] you have a child who isn’t very expressive of his feelings or shows emotion, it is hard when something happens that affects them so much that their feelings […]

  • Evelyn Bateman May 4, 2018

    My son is almost 10 and it’s been since around the time he turned 7 that he stopped saying he loves me. It is hurtful and I have told him that. I am starting to think it’s selfish and if I want to make a good husband out of this boy, he’s going to have to learn to overcome his apprehension and be expressive about his feelings. If not, the relationship becomes very one sided, and I will have a boy who thinks he can take and take and take without giving anything in return. Then I think this is where my mother in law failed. I don’t want to repeat the mistake for my sons wife.

    • Debbie Akerman-Davidov May 5, 2018

      Does he say why he stopped saying it?

  • Jill Crim May 9, 2018

    My 7 year old child (a boy) doesn’t say it :/
    He has told me the three little words about 3 times in the entire 7 going on 8years of his life.
    If I tell him first, he does say “you too”…That’s the most I get from him…
    It does bother me sometimes that he doesn’t ever tell me and I found this discussion by googling…”children that never say I love you”…
    Ha! Go figure!
    I just hope and pray that one day he will be willing to tell me…
    Still waiting and will wait for as long as it takes! 😉

    • Debbie Akerman-Davidov May 10, 2018

      Awww! I now get the “you too”. I know he feels it so I don’t let it both me but I do wish he’d just tell me. He better grow out of it!

  • Doris August 4, 2018

    Literally overnight, when my son was around 7, he stopped saying “I love you”. No amount of bribery, trickery or straight up demanding could make those words come out of his mouth. He upped the amount of hugs and I don’t doubt he loves me but it’s not quite the same. Hes 13 now and I don’t push it anymore. But, man, I wasn’t expecting that

    • Debbie Akerman-Davidov August 8, 2018

      I wonder why they stop. But agree, I don’t doubt the love. He actually went away for two weeks to sleepover camp and since he’s been back has said it more than once!

  • Samantha Forster September 24, 2018

    This is a tricky one..
    I would rather hear I love you once in a blue moon, with real feelings and real appreciation and real heart felt love, over an every day expression. My 9 year old says it once a month randomly and that means the world to me. My 18 year old son… Never ever says I love you. How ever I just look in his eyes and the way he shows his appreciation and love is enough. Love you becomes a daily word that has no meaning, actions speak a thousand words.
    That’s my view on love. I tell my boys I love them all the time I don’t expect to hear the same returned.

    • Debbie Akerman-Davidov September 25, 2018

      Totally hear you. I don’t expect it everyday. And I love whenever he does say it. His actions speak volumes to me so I have no doubt of his feelings.

  • Lisa November 6, 2018

    My 4 year old won’t tell me that he loves me, he actually tells me that he doesn’t love me. He tells everyone else that he loves them but he doesn’t love mommy. It’s actually heartbreaking, he will sit in my lap and watch tv but if I mention cuddling he gets up. He won’t kiss me and he wipes all of my kisses of, he has literally wiped them off in his sleep. He won’t snuggle with me, he will tell me to move far away from him when he is falling asleep. I get really upset sometimes, I would never force anything on him, or make him do anything that he is not comfortable with but I tell him that it’s really mean to tell me that he doesn’t love me. ☹️

    • Debbie Akerman-Davidov November 7, 2018

      Oh no! That is heartbreaking. Does he say why he says/does those things? Have you asked him how he would feel if mommy said that to him? He’s still little…could be a phase he’s going through? I’d love for you to keep me posted on this!

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