Its taken me a week to write this post.  I meant to write it last Friday but i just couldn’t come up with the words.  I’d think about it over and over in my head.  I’d go to sleep and thoughts and ideas for the post would come to me, but I was too lazy to get out of bed to actually write them down.

It’s been a whirlwind the past few weeks.  Everyone in the family (except for me) came down with the stomach flu.  Work was stressful and busy.  My husband lost his job.  And my grandmother, the inspiration for this post, passed away.

She was 92 years young.  She was a vibrant, full of life, life of the party kind of lady. Old school and old fashioned, but knew everything. So kind and generous to all those around her.

Last Friday was the last day of sitting Shiva for her.  It was the most bittersweet day. While there was little relief that the long, exhausting week was over for the family, it signified the end. The fact that we really had to say goodbye. Even though we had buried her the week before.

This would mark the end and the beginning of a new chapter in my families lives.  A chapter without our grandmother, my dad and aunts mom, my kids great grandmother.

We have spent the last 2 years knowing the day would come after getting her cancer diagnosis. But she lived on.  Danced and partied at her great grandsons bar mitzvah. Never giving up even though she was in pain.

I remember leaving for Florida this past June and my dad telling me her doctor gave her 6 more months.  I remember thinking, they don’t know?!  They aren’t always right. Time will tell.

That was June 18th.  She died November 27th.  He was right.

She lived at home and was in palliative care.  She was confined to a hospital bed and couldn’t move.  I visited weekly, sometimes twice a week since I work from home and could shoot over there.  And I, along with my dad, mom, sister, aunt and cousin were there that night.  When she could barely breathe.  When she opened her eyes and looked at us all.  When she shed tears. When my dad and aunt told her it was okay for her to give up the fight and let go.  And when she took her last breath.  I still replay that in my head over and over again.

And now, we have to adjust to a new style of life. One without our dear Lola in it.  So for now, I am saying goodbye.  To a lady I will NEVER forget. A lady that was loved more than words can describe.

We don’t have to be ordinary
Make your best mistakes
‘Cause we don’t have the time to be sorry
So baby be the life of the party
–Shawn Mendes