I always knew I wanted two kids.  I came from a family of two children and always thought that I would only have two.

Before we got married my husband and I would discuss how many kids we wanted. We knew we would have at least two.  We said we would leave the door open for a possibility of a third child.  At the time, it sounded good.  But after having two kids, not sleeping for years, the tests my patience had, I knew a short while after having my youngest that we were done.

My husband would tell you different.  He wants a third. He’d have one in a second if he could.

It’s hard to make the decision that you are done.  And when you do decide, it hurts.  It tugs at your heartstrings. Seeing other babies smile and coo and be all cutesy can make you wonder, “should we?”.  But I always came to the same conclusion…no.

The other day I was put to the test.  One of my close friends needed me to watch her 4 month old son for a couple of hours.  It was no problem for me.  Her kids are amazing (yes, she’s got three…don’t judge me), and I would take any of them any day. It would be a treat! I haven’t held a baby in a couple of years let alone be alone with one.  It would be like my maternity leave all over again.

I remember those days…chilling with the baby, playing, it wasn’t difficult and I could do this!

When he was dropped off he was actually asleep, so the beginning part was easy.  He stayed asleep for only about 10 minutes.  He was happy to see me, he smiled and made the cute little noises he makes, and we were off to a good start.

He needed a bottle so I gave him, but he didn’t want much.  And then it was time for me to think of something to do.

We scoured the basement for old baby toys but I couldn’t find anything!  We had given everything away knowing that we wouldn’t need it.  I ended up finding a small little animal rattle and figured that would do.

I lay him down on a blanket and we began to play.  But his attention span didn’t want the rattle for very long.  I remember looking down at him thinking “this is going to be a long two hours!”.  I didn’t quite remember what to do with a baby that young.  He couldn’t hold anything in his hands, he couldn’t sit up…what was I to do?

I read to him, I sang to him, I did everything I remembered you do with a 4 month old.  He got fussy. Oh no…please please please.

I remembered the bottle!  Bottle to the rescue…I held him in the crook of my arm and fed him.  And while feeding him, his eyes were slowly drooping.  He was getting tired.  He must have known that after only an hour I needed a break!

But then this was one of my favourite parts…I rocked him, I swayed with him and I watched as his tiny little body relaxed as he drifted off to sleep in my arms.  And I ended up holding him asleep in my arms for over 20 minutes before putting him down on the couch next to me.  It was that little moment in time that reminds us why we have children.  The innocence, the happiness and the pure love you can feel for the little bundle.

And when it was time for him to go, we said our goodbyes and he gave me that shining smile he has.  And all it did was make me smile.

But did it make me want another?  Not in the slightest.  Having my friends baby to love and soon a new niece or nephew is all I need.  I’m happy with the two I have!

But if you are ever unsure about having another baby, ask your friend with one if you can watch them for a little while.  That should do it!

xo

D